losing battle
Wednesday, November 24, 2004 @ 8:55 PM 1 comments

If Ranna could've been here with me right now, she could've told me I lost the argument we had (which I talked about in my previous post). Finally, I'm surrendering myself to the unaccepted fact that Men needs Women more. I've been hitting for a serious relationship for months now, but I guess it isn't for me just yet.

Menchie and I dated for the very first time last night, even from the day she saved me from insanity from that much talked-about break up of me and Shiela barely two years ago. This time, she came again to my rescue. I'm really surprised that she still feels the same way for me despite all the things I've done to her (and the things I've failed to do for her). She's still always there whenever I needed someone and she never asked anything in return. She is such holy soul that she never had a serious boyfriend before and after me (she was serious, I wasn't). She'd devoted her love for me since she was in sixth grade when she first saw me back in Bicol while I was oblivious to her existence then.

I used that to my advantage when Shiela and I broke up, I thought that being with her would help me forget the bad things that has happened to me and she welcomed me with wide open arms, not even asking if I feel the same way for her. It sometimes strikes me how she could love me so much when I can't give her any bit of that. I'm just glad to be with her but I just couldn't get myself to love her back the way she does for me, at least. She's beautiful and kind and gentle and very loving, but somehow there is something missing.

Right now, I'm trying it all out with her again. I'll try to spend more time with her while I'm setting aside my search for true love for now for the sake of my/our happiness. I would try, in as much as I could, to give her everything I have failed to, before. I have figured that I can't wait forever for Ranna to love me back (I know, I've settled this already but somehow there's still hope in me that's left) or for Shiela to come back to me. And after all the things Menchie had suffered because of me, I know she deserves to be happy, too. And so do I, I've been alone for a long time now and I thought if I can't get someone I want then what's left for me is to settle for the one who wants me, I can't even remember how a woman's touch used to feel, hope you know what I mean (maybe, she's giving me a chance at that, hehe.. ). I just hope I'm making the right decision here.



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