nothing has changed
Before last term ended, I have come to realize and accepted the fact that I couldn't continue my job along with my studies. I have taken my already poor performance in school to the extremes and I can't continue sacrificing my studies anymore and I always knew that at one point I would have to choose between my work and my school. Call me stupid, but I almost filed for a Leave of absence, not in the office but in school.
I remember writing something like 'With only few units this term, I know things will be easier for me' once. And looking back from now, I can't believe that I have been able to say the word 'easier' when not a single term in Mapua, since I entered the High School back in 1996, had been really easy for me. Every subject I passed was a hard-earned 'tres'
in my report card and no matter how long I have been repeating it, I know I somehow deserved to pass, even not because of my intellectual abilities but most of the time, plain familiarity of the course.
One of the reasons why I almost did choose my work over school is because I will be shifted to a regular employee exactly a year after I was employed, that would be this May. But that is just one
of the reasons. When I think about it, I have been keeping an above average performance in my work, my name is almost always one of those with the highest ratings in our monthly productivity scores. I can even say that this is what I can do when I really wanted it. Nobody knew how much it mattered to me, I was never in the Top 10 in school in my life.
I don't understand how I can be so good in my work and not in my school when I have been studying almost everyday of my existence compared to my 10-day training with my job. Sometimes I even think that this is the only thing I will be ever good at and that I haven't really learned anything in school, that I feel so dumb.
I tried to persuade my parents to let me stop for this term. I even organized a swimming party with them and some of my friends, funded by me to show them that I can give more if I shift my employment to full-time. It was supposed to be a surprise, but I was actually the one more surprised when none of my parents were able to come. I had to address the matter directly to my mother. The night she, and my father had a fight was my chance. I took advantage of the moment. I knew it was going to be a long discussion and I came prepared with the pros and cons of my gracious plan. She was crying at that time and I didn't expect that the prospect of higher compensation if I shifted to full-time employment fitted the situation. They were fighting about money again and I didn't have a hard time to make her say yes.
Then it dawned to me. I was still scared of the idea of not finishing school. For a few weeks before the start of the summer term, I was already preparing myself for the big change. It was going to be the first time I'll be out of school since I entered kindergarten, but I wouldn't be having a diploma and a toga with me. Not yet at least.
In the end, I have only been able to get 6-units for this term because I was one of the late enrolees. I figured I didn't need to resign after all. Right now, I'm still in school and I still have my job. Nothing has changed... really.