field trip class
Saturday, August 20, 2005 @ 5:15 PM 0 comments

My field trip yesterday was utterly boring. I slept almost all the time during the trip while eventually trying to be interested with the book about ancient philosophers (Sophie's Girl) Ross has lend me. We were only 17 people inside the 60-seater bus, the other three sections opted to get crammed up together in the two 40-seater buses than to share with us, perhaps to have closer contact for their hard-liquor drinking.

We went to the Union Galva Steel in Laguna, where indeed most of us were already highly intoxicated, a galvanized roofing company and watched how galvanized iron sheets are, well, of course galvanized and for the other type, colored.

The next stop was the Lamoiyan Corporation, where the Hapee toothpaste is being made. Nothing new, I don't know if I should be proud but we were the first people to see the new Hapee commercial yet to be released and their model once again is Darna.

breakfast in bed
Wednesday, August 10, 2005 @ 1:33 PM 2 comments

After Jules told me the things he did yesterday afternoon, there was nothing I can think about but talk to Shiela. He said he had an intimate conversation with the girls when they slept over his house Saturday evening. They shared their secrets and Shiela, once and again made the most shocking revelation.

She said that after she saw the things that happened in Batangas and after she had seen for herself how serious Menchie and I now with our relationship, she came up with a decision. Since the Filipino workers in Japan are having a hard time going back there because of the problem with the new Japanese policy, she said she's thinking about accepting the standing marriage proposal of a 40-year old Japanese man. I know it might seem such a grave thing to think about but knowing her situation and knowing how many mouths she have to feed, it hurts to think that it could be possible.

And right now, I really don't know how I feel, I don't think I'd like to see her getting married to that man but I don't know if there's anything I can do about her family. This is a risky business and I guess Armie (a friend from work) was right, I am in a crossroad. The things that are happenning is making me choose between Shiela and Menchie and I don't think I can have the heart to hurt Menchie after how long she has waited for me and after beginning to be serious with our relationship just recently so. But the thing is, I know just what can make me happy.

When I got home last night, all I wanted to do is text Shiela through my sister's phone and ask if it's possible for us to talk. But she was still up when I arrived and she was flirting with a soldier who is in Mindanao over her phone. I waited for her to sleep but I did first before she did.

In the morning, I woke up to someone kissing me. I thought it was a dream but the first thing that I saw after I opened my eyes was her face... Shiela was there in my bed lying beside me, and Donna was at the corner of the room. They have been waiting for me to wake up and it gave me such a happy feeling to see her, I didn't want to get up. I wanted to stay there beside her for a very long time.

Until the doomsayer, my sister, came barging in announcing that my father might come home anytime and catch us all in the bedroom. I left them enjoying their conversation about pills and condoms while I took a bath.

I was again, thinking about not going to school, afraid that this might be the last time I could have the opportunity to be alone with her again. I waited for her in the terminal while they went back to Donna's home. I gave them 10 minutes, then 15, then 20. I remembered my Thermodynamics, then I went off. In the end, I got to school an hour late so I decided to go this computer shop and type this post instead.

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together again

back in the game
Monday, August 08, 2005 @ 2:43 PM 0 comments

It was already past 6:00 am when we started our stormy journey to Batangas. The original meeting time of 3:30 am in Buendia was, of course, not followed which did not come as a surprise. The bad weather didn't surprise us at all either, but on the contrary, we were already expecting it. It almost never happened that the Silversoul went out of town in a good weather. Whether it be summer or any other season, our scheduled outings often gets stormed. But this time was way too over, and with Shiela and Menchie face-to-face, it was a typhoon.

Almost everyone, except Anette and Marvin were already there at the 7-11 Buendia when I arrived, from Cable Car with my office colleauges without any sleep whatsoever, and feeling greatly relieved that I have been saved from the awkward obligation of introducing Shiela and Menchie to each other again, after 3 years.

Trying to overcome the tension inside the van during the trip, I tried to act normal. And everyone was relatively well behaved, they seemed very careful in choosing the things to be discussed in front of the two to not cause any unwanted damage to the delicate situation we were all in, which after all was their idea. Not that I don't want Mench to be there, but they were the ones who invited her to come even if they know Shiela will be there, too.

I did what I thought I was expected to do, being sweet to Menchie as usual and all but not too much for I don't want Shiela to think that I was just trying to make her jealous and I also didn't want her to retaliate by treating the guy they tagged along, George the same way I was treating Mench. I didn't know that what I was doing was actually causing more harm than good.

Clueless of the right direction, we took the Cavite route, and with only the text messages from RJ to rely on, it took us ages to get to his place in Balayan, Batangas.

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Jules, Muriel, Ian, Donna and Shiela (still sober) before they left Jules house where they slept over.

Upon arriving there, RJ and I immediately took off with his motorcycle to check out the prospective resorts, leaving Mench alone with the Silversoul. I had to take her phone with me to update them about my assessments of the resorts.

Drenched in the rain, our first and last stop was the Roponggi resort. RJ claims it was already the best one around but I was honestly disappointed upon seeing the beach. The waves were too strong, unsafe for anyone to swim on and there were broken trees and coconuts everywhere, brought about by the storm. I messaged Shiela's number about it (only the the two of them, ironically, have loaded celphones) and she called me 'Daddy' (a term of endearment she used to call me when we're still together) in her reply.

Save for the weather, it was almost the perfect trip. It was the very first time ever that we didn't have to face financial crisis and there were lots of food and booze enough for everyone, there was a videoke and the pools were almost all to ourselves. Even RJ, who followed a few hours later (because he said he had to cook) with his cousin donated the sumptuous menudo (not caldereta).

My dilemma began when I chose to stay with Mench in the swimming pool while Donna and Muriel were calling me to sing "My Boo" in the videoke with Shiela. In the end, she sang it alone and it served as a music background for me and Menchie fooling around in the pool. It was hard not to feel affected, but I had to keep a straight face.

In our flooded cottage (imagine Villa Escudero), and in my very first attempt to crack a joke about me and the two of them, in a picture together (in the hope of breaking the freezing ice) the typhoon was triggered.

I didn't know she really mind about Mench being there, I thought I was just overreacting, I thought she wasn't affected but to Mench's satisfaction, we saw Shiela broke down into tears by the pool. She cried in Donna's arms, and though I still don't know what it was about, it pained me to see her like that and the things that happened after that made me feel more responsible and guilty.

Shiela got so inebriated and began behaving raucously wild, to the surprise of everyone in the resort and to the delight of the male onlookers. She didn't mind every man drooling over her beautiful body while she became totally uncontrollable as she almost willingly exposed her thing. She looked like a troubled youth and it really felt bad that there's nothing I can do, with Menchie around.

What made it harder is that everyone seemed to think that I am the only one who can make her stop and with Ian's help, I momentarily got rid of Mench. I tried to calm Shiela down but she kept cursing me while running away everytime I come near. I was beginning to feel hopeless until I cornered her by the pool and she broke down again... in my arms.

With every gasp of breath she took, while she cried as the rain never stopped pouring, I felt her pain. I felt the anguish she was unsuccessfully trying to conceal and there she was, letting it all out. I hated myself for allowing it to get to this. If I only knew, if only she said something. If only she told me she still loved me, things could have been different from what happened because I know I still feel that way for her, too. Didn't someone say first love never dies?

As we trail back home, in that cold misty night, I can't help but go back to the time that we use to do this kind of thing before. Shiela was normally the one sitting beside me in that middle part of the very same van and she was not, as she is now, behind me with another guy. I can't stop wondering if she was thinking the same way even if she was probably kissing George.

Our way home took faster than how I wanted it to. I went down with Mench in Espana while the same group that slept over in Jules' house the night before went back to his place again. For one fleeting moment, I was tempted to follow them after I took Mench home but I remembered that just a few days ago, I promised her that I will be more serious about us, now. I guess Shiela was right when she told me when we were at the Cable Car that I wasn't being true to myself but couldn't it be a reasonable excuse that I'm just too scared of doing the same mistakes I've been doing for the past three years all over again?

Alone on my way home, I can't stop thinking about the things that had happened. I needed something to catch my attention to forget about it but it was just too strong, the diversion I wanted never came. I waited for two hours, walking around the Guadalupe but I only found myself feeling more alone and undecided about the things that I should do and filled with more questions than needed answers. I know what I want to do, but I can't figure out if it was the right thing to do.

Before I went to sleep that night, beside my snoring sister, there was only one thing I felt certain about: Shiela has brought me back again to that game she calls Love and I can't deny the fact that she still has the magic to make me fall all over again but this time around, things has just gone a little more complicated.

making up minds
Friday, August 05, 2005 @ 2:23 PM 0 comments

Nobody knows yet where we're going tomorrow. We had set a swimming outing for the Silversoul but we don't have a clear clue until now where we really are going.

Two days ago, it was Laguna, then yesterday it was Batangas and now it's undecided again. What makes it worse is that the others are backing out only to take it back a few hours later. We are on a tight budget so we need as many people as how many could fit into Santy's SUV which we have rented for 2300 bucks (He's a family man now, you know, he needs the bread). And now, with also the resort fee and the food to think about, we just can't make up our minds.

Rj, my friend from school, offered their place in Batangas. He is already to ask his father to cook caldereta for us but I still can't commit without the guys' approval and I still don't know if that caldereta would be enough to feed us all. Vanessa (also a Silversoul, Jules' ex), who now has a family of her own in Laguna, also has a similar offer and now we don't know which one to take.

The primary problem here again is the money, and some of the Silversoul are shamefully taking advantage not to give their share, expecting someone else to pay for them considering the fact that we have already planned about this weeks ago. I'm sure some of them are thinking about Shiela doing charity, since she's a balikbayan and well, everyone knows what's that supposed to mean, but I will never allow that to happen unless she volunteers on her own without any pathetic prodding.

With this financial problem at hand, I also have to deal with my emotional stress. This is going to be the first time Shiela will come face to face with Menchie as my new girl. The first time they actually met was when I was still with Shiela and Menchie was the other girl, now it's the other way around and I still don't know what to expect and how I should act in front of the two. Shiela, as I've heard is also taking a certain George (introduced by Donna) perhaps not to make the change more obvious.

read between the lines
Monday, August 01, 2005 @ 2:28 PM 0 comments

- Sounds familiar?! Why do I feel you know where I got this?

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