Saturday, April 30, 2005 @ 3:07 AM 0 comments

There are just some things you can never forget. No matter what you do or how you try, there's always someone or some things that would make you remember. Sometimes even in the most unexpected places at very unexpected moments. It gets really weird and sometimes eerie that you ask yourself why these things do happen but only find your questions impossible to be answered.

I lit a cigarette as I await for a tricycle hours ago in front of the hospital where Muriel is (she still can't go out because of unpaid hospital bills), then out of nowhere, a cab zoomed in front of me. It was overloaded and one of the two people at the passenger seat were smiling smugly on my direction. It was Rommel.

After a few seconds, my tryke arrived. It was equipped with an audio system, tuned in at RX93.1. The DJ on the radio went on ".... this one's going out to Shiela, who's saying hi to her ex-boyfriends out there blah blah blah..."

"When things go our way, it's easy to believe that things happen for a reason, it's easy to have faith. But when things go wrong, we stop holding on to that faith and begin to wonder whose reasons are these things happening for." - Dakota Fanning, from the TV series, Taken

killing time
Friday, April 29, 2005 @ 11:50 AM 0 comments

I bumped into a high school classmate today. The two of us were the only ones left (as far as I know) in the Mechanical Engineering among those who pursued Mapua College. Others were either denied readmission after getting kicked out or have voluntarily given up ME and shifted to other easier programs. He told me he'd already graduated and was only in school to complete a subject, which makes me the only real one left. Damn.

Last night, before Mench and I left the computer shop where I waited for her, I tried keying in her name at the Yahoo search. Guess what I found: a website for Filipina maids for hire. OMG!

Thursday, April 28, 2005 @ 11:15 PM 0 comments

I have gone through hell and back. First week of school and it already feels like we’re already in the middle of the term. Loads of assignments and paper works have been my life for the past week, then add a new set of the most hideous professors in the land and surely there’s an awful lot to expect.

My social life have almost been zero if not for the almost frequent visits to the hospital after class where Muriel eventually ended up ('Almost' frequent in the sense that I have been the only Silversoul, which Yeye definitely expects to worry the most next to her family, who took time to drop by until last night) and Jules’ birthday celebration last Saturday.

I have even involuntarily ignored a text from Ranna (what!?!) and a late-night visit from Roy and Shane in the house while I was at the hospital because I had so much in mind.

And I don’t also see much of my girlfriend (sometimes I even forget that I do have one), Mench. The last time, was an after class, unplanned meeting where she and my cousin Joy came to see me at the same time also last week when my workload is not that heavy yet. We chatted the whole time before we realized it was already late. Joy, though an orphan and doesn'r really have to bother about it, was anxious to go home to her house because she doesn’t want her first and new boarders to think wrongly of her, she thinks a woman like her shouldn’t stay out late.

Mench invited her to their place but Joy changed her mind after seeing Mench’s cousin, Shiela who began bombarding annoying personal questions at the sight of her. Maybe that’s the way things really are for people who have lived together in the province. They feel like they have an unspoken agreement of some sort that they can ask each other very personal questions of whatever nature at any given time, especially when you need something from them. And that is what I hate with those people most, my father’s constituents exactly, they waste over 90% percent of their lives everyday gossiping about other people and it really gets nasty sometimes.

Eventually, Joy ended up in the visitor’s chair of the patient flanking Muriel’s hospital bed. She had nowhere else to go, it was already 3 in the morning so she had no choice even though she have an undone rift with Donna and Muriel. Muriel already have two companions on her side so she had to stay at the other bed because the nurses won’t allow three companions per patient and because of the situation, though Joy felt like an uninvited guest, they were rather compelled to talk to each other.

Then last night, finally Anette and Jules visited Muriel at the same time with Roen, Jules’ ex and a fellow Paulinian, who have heard the news about her condition from a neighbour who works at the hospital. I have also remembered to text Ranna and thankfully she didn’t mind. I haven’t texted Roy back yet, I know his emotional tendecies and I know it would be tougher for me to explain in his case.

This is actually the first real free time since this whole term began. Believe it or not, I've been trying awfully hard to be a good student right now. My family's economic satus is dropping 10 percent each day. And I'm not sure until when I could stand those stupid questions like when I will graduate. Now I'm gonna stop this shit. Mench is on my back and I don't know anything to say. I'm tired of people nosing on my business.

first day walkathon
Wednesday, April 20, 2005 @ 11:41 PM 0 comments

It’s the first day of the 4th term and nothing great happened. Quite the contrary actually, because I went broke and tired and hungry.

Just as I’ve been dreaming of attending ALL my classes with no absences or late whatsoever, I found out that there had been classes yesterday (there was a nationwide transport strike, so my family assumed there was not) meaning I wasn’t exactly in the first day of class.

And if that’s not enough for a first day treat, I also had my first walkathon for the new term, I walked from the school to Pedro Gil on my way home because my money won’t fit again on the first day of school.

A habit I used to do with Anette that have grown to a matter of necessity, I have already mastered the different outskirts of Manila in search for possible shortcuts from school to Pedro Gil. This is what I do when I get short with my money, I’d rather walk than do what I loved to do when I was in 2nd year high school, the 1-2-3 thing, yeah. For me, it was a young boy’s fantasy to get away without being caught but now, it would surely be a nightmare if I do that and get caught.

It was probably the hundredth time I have done it that I didn’t even bother anymore.

Monday, April 18, 2005 @ 6:46 PM 0 comments

Jules, Anette and Marvin dropped by. It’s not surprising anymore that every year, less Silversoul do come for the fiesta because I’m already expecting it.

It was also an opportunity for them to see Muriel who has been abnormally bleeding for a couple of days now. She is already using diapers in place of the sanitary napkins but still, no doctor can tell what’s going on with her. Yeye said she’s been to two doctors already but none of them can tell exactly what the problem is. We were actually ready to take her to hospital but she said her family’s already planning to do that for the next day.

She said she’s still okay and as a matter of fact, she even played billiards with us before Marvin and Anette left. Julius followed suit after having dinner in the house with me just as the Mr. & Ms. Southside 2005 began. I continued watching the pageant with Yeye and I can’t help being thankful for joining it a year earlier. This time has a lot of skin exposing, off and on stage- that is something I’m just not yet prepared for. The swimwear on video was fine but almost nude on stage is a no-no for me.

Halfway through the show, I accompanied Yeye, who was already feeling and looking really weak, on the tryke terminal before I went back to join Mama and my long lost cousin Joy in watching the show.

Eventually, my frat mate, Arian (as expected) emerged as the victor with Jeffrey landing the second spot.

The next day, Mench also came over but most of the time she was with me, we were only in Yeye's house. She passed out and we were there to see her. The doctors at the Rizal Hospital in Pasig refused to attend to her because they said they have to prioritize those who were giving birth and in Yeye's case, they probably need to see her faint before they would even take notice. Yeye's family's thinking of taking her to the PGH instead.

cody's finale
Wednesday, April 13, 2005 @ 11:21 PM 0 comments

It has been a gloomy Wednesday for my whole family. We have just lost Cody. The doctor pronounced him dead at exactly 5:30 pm. He said Cody didn’t respond well to the treatment and medications given to him. He died of massive internal bleeding secondary to parvoviral infection.

It felt so sad when I received the message. I have always been a dog lover and I know this is not the first time a dog died in my care but this time’s a little too different. I have never given the same amount affection and attention to any dog in my life before him. Cody was the only one who had made me not bother sleeping really really late just to give him milk every four hours and he was the only dog I have bottle-fed in my entire life.

My mother (who have decided to short-live her Galera escapade after learning waht happened to my Aunt and to Cody) and my sister were preparing to go to the clinic when I told them about the bad news. They were both stunned. A moment of silence passed as I watch their jaws drop that I actually felt they would cry. We went on together to the clinic, paid the bill and collected what was left of Cody.

The garden in front of our house served as Cody’s resting ground. I dug the hole myself, with Lael’s help of course, and placed him neatly at the bottom. It was so sad I wanted to cry. I even placed flowers on top of the mound the interment had created. I had to inhale hard to stop my snot from dripping out of my nose. Never in my life had I imagined that I will have to bury someone someday with my bare hands.

Later, I learned that Mom had just bought three food trays for the dogs with their names on each one and three additional big milk cans, Cody will never be able to use. It’s really hard for us, we have just lost a family.

vet alert
Tuesday, April 12, 2005 @ 7:29 PM 0 comments

In line with the forthcoming fiesta, a Barangay Day was held at the Multi-purpose hall in our place. There were horrible dance contests and cheap freebies for the kids, complimentary pre-need privileges for the adults(you just have to stand in line under the sun) and free vaccines for the house pets (i.e dogs).

I took Dagul, Shin and Cody with my sister to have the first two shot with the anti-rabies for the second time. Of course, Cody’s too young for that but I took him along because I was hoping to see a vet there who might be able to check him up, his condition was not getting any better. Unfortunately, only one vet was around and she looked so busy so I had no chance to talk to her.

A family friend, who happens to be a dental doctor, was waiting in line with me together with her 3-month old Lab. She recommended a veterinary clinic only two tricycles away. She even said Cody’s getting a little too dehydrated and strongly suggested that we take him immediately.

My sister got so unnerved so we rushed Cody to the clinic, right then. Arriving there, I got reprimanded by the vet for not taking Cody earlier. He told us Cody was infected by parvovirus and that he was already in an alarming state. He gave Cody two separate shots of antibiotics and vitamins before he put him in a cage with dextrose connected to his leg.

As we went home, I felt really heavy that I can’t help but blame Mama for not being here even more and for not de-worming Cody earlier as Bon had instructed though the vet said it couldn’t have been the main reason for Cody’s illness.

And though a little scared, I feel confident that he’s going to make it and I have to be optimistic. Now this is the first night ever since Cody arrived that I’m going to sleep without him in the house. Sob.

while mama's gone
Saturday, April 09, 2005 @ 5:32 PM 0 comments

I went home after scrupulously fixing my schedule and paying my school fees. Auntie Manay, Papa’s elder sister and Elaine’s Granny, and Cody fell ill almost simultaneously. She was rushed to the hospital because she just had a mild stroke while the dog refused to take anything edible the whole day. I think he just misses Mama who is in Puerto Galera tonight for their yearly outing.

Another problem came concerning the admittance of Auntie Manay to the Ospital ng Makati so Papa was compelled to go there. I heard they don’t want to admit her in the hospital and they don’t want her to move to PGH either. Are they out of their minds? I know if Mama was here, she’d surely know what to do.

Now I’m here waiting for them to come back while watching the re-run of the Pope’s funeral. I couldn’t sleep, I’ve been trying to feed Cody but he keeps on throwing up everything I force him to take. I also needed to hear some news about Manay’s condition.

tomorrow is another day
@ 10:21 AM 0 comments

I've been out of the house since Wednesday. The money I was waiting for came earlier than expected, so I wasn't really that late for the enrolment. Surprisingly I failed ACDC again, which was ironically the last subject I was expecting to fail but on the lighter side, I'm still IN and the tragedy didn't struck me for the first time in four years. The only bad thing left is that it took me so long to complete my schedule arrangement. All the other sections were already filled up so I had to wait for new sections to be opened.

I went back and forth with Bon to the Encoding room at the SW building since Wednesday, in the hope that we could be in the same section in any of our classes because we were planning to attend the gym together this term. I also stayed in their house that night, to get to school early, as he said. It was a chance for me to get reunited with Cody's family, only one of his siblings was left and Bon and I were one in saying that Cody's become the most beautiful of the rest of the puppies so far. Ooooh, what a compliment. I've been bottle-feeding that Lab-Pitbull crossbreed since he arrived. Thanks to the milk supplies of my Mama's dietician friend.

Anyways, we were still the last person to go out of the Encoding room the next day (without new sections in our schedules) because we still had to go to the PGH in the morning because he had to run an errand for his mom which took terribly long even with Mama's help.

And today, without Bon, I've succesfully completed the maximum 15 units and had my enrolment done. Whew!

Jules and I have been planning to see each other since Wednesday but had never really been able to. I think I'll only be able to see him again and the rest of the guys in our fiesta, which we always look forward to, next weekend.

I'm hearing the latin prayes from the TV for the Pope's burial while I'm doing this. Let us all pray for his soul, he had been very good to all kinds of people and has already made a niche for himself in the history of mankind. I am proud that I have been one of the lucky people who have been able to see him when he arrived here in 1995 for the World Youth Day.

I've been trying to recall (just now) that Latin Responsorial psalm which was sang during the mass Pope John Paul II celebrated at the Quirino Grandstand. Help Fellow Paulinians! Eda, I need your memory now!

You won't believe this, few seconds before publishing this, I remembered! Now, Eda I still need you to tell me if it's correcty spelled and whatever it means, please.. Here it is:

"Ube Caritas et amore, Ube Caritas deus cibi est."

enrolment begins
Tuesday, April 05, 2005 @ 12:50 PM 0 comments

This is the first day of Enrolment for the fourth term, but not yet for me. We still don’t have money to pay for my dues which means I will have to wait and which also means I will be a late enrolee.

These are the kind of times, which makes me feel so bad about myself. My parents are working so hard to send me to school and give me a decent life but I can’t live up to be worthy of all their efforts.

And another thing which makes me not at ease is the fact that I haven’t seen my grades yet. I will never have the heart to show that to my mother if the tragedy comes again.

I always had chances, but I always end up screwing it all up. I hope it won’t be like that this time.

in the company of my enemies
Sunday, April 03, 2005 @ 6:42 PM 0 comments

This evening, I’ve bonded with my co-former candidates in the Mr. Southside pageant with our sordid director, Direk Julius and of course with Shiela’s ex, Rommel and also some of the new candidates (who just came from their rehearsals), Arian (a frat mate) and Jeff, an erstwhile friend whom I have been at odds with since I were with Shiela. It was a chance for me to realize how many people I have been in dispute with at Shiela’s expense.

We went to Arian’s house and had some eggs and instant pancit canton before we eventually ended up, as expected, with the holy Emperador. There were some gay people I know in there and some frat mates who made me feel less out of place.

I didn’t actually wanted to go but I was somewhat forced to. I don't want to give them the impression that I don't want to be with them anymore which could only be attributed to the fact that I was lost over Rommel at the last year's pageant. They were a bunch of fake people (at least most of them), either complimenting about each other one time then gossip about each other at another or boast about what they know about things. It was totally disgusting.

And what makes it disgusting all the more is that I fell again. Just like what Bo Sanchez said(and meant) in his new book: “Your past does not define your future”. (I can’t wait to have a copy of that)

And now I feel filthy and disgusted by myself again.

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