It's been a while since I last checked my mails on both Friendster and Yahoo. And beneath the piles of spam messages, I found it interesting to note that three of the men in Anette's life messaged me on almost the same day including one of my best friends, Carl. Anette, incidentally, celebrated her birthday just last week. I was glad that she looked so happy that night (even if most of the Silversoul were not, but that's another issue), despite her very recent break-up with Marvin and the responsibility on top of her shoulders right now - she's still taking full time studies while rendering full-time work (ICT Ortigas) to provide for herself and her sick mother, who was left alone with her when the rest of her siblings opted to go with their father in Batangas after their parents separated.
It's great that Anette, who's been with me for nine years now, finally got rid of her immaturity. She has transformed herself to a very smart woman without sheding entirely her playful demeanor and her love for anything mushy and girly. I never intended to write a tribute about her but I was utterly touched by how she handled/handles the things that happened/are happening to her. Who could've thought she could survive such an ordeal. Hats off to you!
Silversoul Pioneers (Jules, Anette and I)
My girlfriend, Timmy had been very generous since day one. Finally, out of her numerous gifts, she gave me something I really really liked - 'Your past does not define your future'
book by Bo Sanchez. It is a very inspiring and emotional book tailor-made especially for people who think that they have been a failure for at least once in their lives. The title in itself is a good reminder that there is a better tomorrow waiting for every one despite the scars and flaws of the past, it presses the existence of the possibility that we can be 'healed'.
Finally, here's something from the other part of the world.
From my beautiful Aunt Nancy (Kenosha, WI):Subject: Summer pictures
September 4, 2006
Hey No! I've been guilty of reading your journals again=) But I guess you wouldn't have posted them if you wanted to keep 'em private... I must say it's a good reading, kept me busy on this overcast, long Labor Day weekend we're having here. I think you got your own soap going=)
I'm glad to know though that you are at this point seem happy and content at least with your love life. A lot of your entries have been dealing with all sorts of turmoil. You deserve to have a great woman who will respect you and love you for who you are and the better man that you'll become. I don't know if Timmy is the one, only you can answer that. One thing I can say is that Sheila and Menchie are your past, part of them made you who you are today. I don't know any of these girls but just based on what you wrote, Menchie wouldn't have been a great match for you. She didn't trust you. She was constantly checking your cell phone like you've got something to hide, she did not feel secure with your relationship. I'm sure you know that trust and security are some of the fundamentals of making it work. I believe you had security and trust with Sheila at one point. The problem is, she grew up and became practical. You can't blame her for that, she felt she had responsibilities to her family she needed to fulfill. Unfortunately, your relationship was put on the line. The way I see it is that you weren't meant to be. You can never look at her the same way you did before and that in itself is a very destructive behavior in a relationship. One thing for sure is that you'll never forget about her. It's cliche but it's true, first love never dies. Your lola had Juan Marco, Ate Linda had Lavapye, Ate Norma had William, Pot had John, Jose had Reyna, I had Rogel... the list goes on but I'm sure you get the gist=) What you do with that experience is something else, you can let it consume you or you can move on... which I think you are on that path, so good job! I have a feeling that you might be a bit of a player, I hope that when you finally settle with someone that you'll give her the respect and honor that every woman deserves. Because to me it takes a real man to commit to one person. One of your entries talks about you feeling really low to almost admitting yourself as dumb or as you put it "bobo". I could not believe I was reading that. I've always remembered you as a brilliant young kid, and never thought otherwise. Ups and downs are part of everyone's journey. Just keep striving when you hit your lowest low. Don't let it affect your confidence. I think you have great potentials, they wouldn't have given you the opportunity to work at the call center if they didn't see a spark in you. You should give yourself a little more credit. Anyway, I didn't mean for this to be lengthy, and pardon all the advice for you weren't seeking any. But know that my intentions are well... Take Care! Auntie Nancy PS: These are some pictures we took over the summer... summer here officially ends today (Labor Day).
Very Filipina. My Auntie Nancy.
At least she didn't think I was suicidal, for a change. Kidding aside, I think this is the first time someone has ever commented about the women in my life by the way I write about them and it was extra-special this time because it was from someone I shared a lot of my childhood pictures with (together with my then-skinny sister, Pot/Annalyn), and truly one of the first women I've known. I'm glad that I have been able to impart the message of the things that happened as it did.
It was also the first time I have been given the opportunity to look at the last three women in my life in someone else's perspective. I never sat down and really thought about what happened and why it just didn't work out with any of the first two. With the way she wrote it, it was as if she was there and had actually seen things happen. And looking back, what she said and what she thinks about the things that happened were all true, I was nodding all the time, while reading it, in approval.
Unsolicited advices and encouragements are things that I just can't feel bad about. More often than not, I know these are just the things I need. And also, more often than not, these are just the things we need but hate to admit it. I feel lucky to be surrounded with people who are always ready to give a helping hand or even just to show that they are around reaching out to you, whether near or far.
Good things just happen, you'll never see it coming.
I was afraid a feeling so great won't come my way twice. After Shiela, I never thought that it could just be possible for me to be happy with someone else. But I realized it could only be possible if I let myself be loved. I know I even said that I will never love the same way again and I knew I was right. I could give so much more.
Timmy came into my life in the oddest of times. I didn't even have the slightest idea that we could ever be together. Aside from her status and the 5-year gap, she was just the most unlikeliest person to be my girlfriend. In the beginning, I thought I was just enjoying the time. I was just following whatever happened next. It was Rico who told me to why not give it a shot since I wasn't hitting for other girls at the time and things have gone way too deep since. Now, for the second time in my life, I think I am in love.
Timmy and me
It was her niece's birthday when I met her kids, and even with Jules and Donna around with me to sleep-over, I couldn't believe it was harder than meeting any of my ex-girlfriends' parents. I knew it was a defining moment for the girls, and so it was for me. I didn't know exactly how to act in front of them as thay observed me silently with their beautiful young eyes. I'm not really sure if they were aware that I am their mom's boyfriend until I woke up beside them while Chzny, the eldest, was teaching her younger sister, Chlzy to wake me up by calling me 'Daddy'. It was the first time in my entire life that someone had called me that, that I didn't need an alarm clock to get up. For a split-second, I thought I zoomed into the future, having a child with not just one but two! I almost cringed at the thought, but I was truly elated that they were on the process of accepting me.
It instantly became easier for me to deal with the following incidents that they called me Dad. I'm not sure how to describe how I feel everytime they do that, but I know I have already accepted them, too.
I know we've only just begun, and right after Chzny requested me to come with her in their field trip, which I unfortunately can't grant because of my lab class, we've got plans laid out to go out like a big family's supposed to and I just can't remember the last time I felt so excited.