suicidal pointers
Thursday, November 18, 2004 @ 10:52 AM 0 comments

Ever felt unimportant and unwanted? Like you think the whole freaking world is pushing you aside? Man, Isn't so frustrating that the very same world that gives us happiness can also give us excruciating pain and sorrow? Maybe my suicidal nature has been working lately, you may say, but it just occured to me that a hospital bed is the next best thing to your own wake for that badly needed attention you don't seem to get.

C'mon. Let's face it. Most often than not, those people who committed suicide wanted nothing more than enough attention. Too bad they had to kill themselves just to make others realize that. All they really wanted is to make out their point and I don't think they did really want to kill themselves, it's just that maybe they weren't in the proper state of mind. They could have ventured on doing something as painful but less remorseful like the one I'm thinking right now.

Call me insane, but I've been thinking about this since the other night. I made my own suicidal pointers. I'm not sure if this could be of help to anyone in particular, but maybe at least it could give more hope to those suicidal people in having a chance to make out their point. Now, here goes..

First up you've got to be sure how you would want to do it. In my opinion, the best would be the traditional cutting off your wrist. I've been hearing cases from my mom's patients who drank a glassful of muriatic acid and who fortunately survived- less their tounge and tonsils and their ability to talk. I think it's also stupid to jump from a building. There'd be no chance for survival and it would be ridiculous to change your mind on your way down. Now here are my tips on committing suicide but not actually killing yourself.

1. Be sure that your medium would be safe. Whether it be a kitchen knife or a razor, be sure it's stainless or rustproof. If you don't want to die from suicide, I'm sure you wouldn't want to die of tetanus either.

2. Pick the best crime scene. It's ideal if you do it in your own house. Avoid private places specially your own room nor a public domain like a living room, that would be too conspicous and for sure you'd be needing more time alone. You might also like to say some rituals before you do it. Do it in a place that is always available, but most people frequently visits. (Read:Bathroom)

3. Choose the time when the other occupants of the house would more likely visit the bathroom. Do it before sunrise. Avoid the wee hours of the morning. You might be dead already before anyone finds your body. If you live in a house that most people wake up late, do it at least an hour before. Say if they wake up at 12 noon, do it at 11 am.

4. Be sure someone else is in the house when you do it.

5. Don't make a suicidal note. That's too dramatic and it would only make you feel like a moron if you survive.

6. Eat first before you do it. You'll be needing energy if worse comes to worst.

7. Unlock the door to the bathroom. Be sure that the knob is within your better arm's reach.

8. Look at your face in the mirror before getting to it. Ask yourself if you really want to look like that when they rush you to the hospital.

9. If and when you're on the verge of changing your mind, use a blade or razor instead of a kitchen knife. It'd be hard to explain it to be an accident when you're with a kitchen knife in the bathroom. This turn would make you also end up in the hospital bed but with less benefits (of course, you'd have no reason to blackmail them). You'd also have a hard time explaining to them but not be able to make you point out what's really on your mind. And worse, you would be assuring them of your stupidity.

10. Wear a watch. It would be important to know how long you'd been bleeding yourself. Of course, you wouldn't want to bleed yourself dry.

11. If your rescue comes too early then expected, act unconscious. If you can, sleep. Because in a matter of hours you'd wish you are really asleep. I don't think they give anesthesia for these cases and that would really be painful.

12. If you think your nearing death and no one yet has arrived, collect your last string of energy. Keep your arms up and run (if you still can) to where the nearest occupant of the house is and show to his face what you have just done to yourself. If that doesn't work, go back to the bathroom and cut your other wrist and this time be sure its fatal. No one loves you.

If your act has been succesful, you'd be rewarded with the luxury of getting what you want. Not to say you'll have the extraordinary edge to curse all the people who have treated you unkindly in the past, they won't dare curse you back. Not while your in the hospital bed, at least. You will have the power to make them feel guilty for overseeing your existence. And most of all, it will make you feel really important. (Honestly, I don't think anyone should go as far as committing suicide just to feel important but hey, this list was intended for those who has wild suicidal nature, remember?)

If ever your suicide turns out bad, or if you almost had a flat line because of these pointers, never drag this post of mine to your mess or anything to that matter. I tell you, you'll see the real face of death if you do so. I'm out!



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