my dismal yearender
Thursday, December 30, 2004 @ 5:38 PM 1 comments

2004 has not been for me. It may sound overly theatrical but it's true and with all the things that's going on around right now, (the tsunami and the Quezon landslides, etc.) I can't imagine anyone saying otherwise and anyone who'd do that must be strangled to death instantly, lest s/he is a Starstruck survivor or a SCQ Grand Questor. As for me, the succeeding year had showcased more of my weaknesses and almost none of my strengths. My life had gone through very drastic changes in almost every aspect thinkable.

KICKED OUT.. In the first quarter of the year, third Quarterm sys in Mapua, I met catastrophe with a slap-in-the face report card bearing another kicked out status. It was the third consecutive summer it has happened and I had to go through the whole tedious readmission process once again. The humiliation and shame I got in lining up in that Customer Service Office, which becomes exclusive to students who get kicked out every other term(as if we were some sort of disturbed youth) seeking for readmission approval, is nothing compared to the humiliation and shame I brought once again in the family. Until now, my mailing address on my school records has the wrong house number, though I've talked twice already to that stupid section chief of ours to correct the mistake in vain, which means they'd be sending my grades again to my wickedly nosy neighbor who in turn, would hand me the obviously re-sealed letter containing my grades with a triumphant snort. Apparently, the appeal was approved without my parents knowing that it was already the third time I had to beg the school to admit me again. They never learned about the first one, and that's not something I'm trying to brag about.

VACATION GONE WRONG.. The half a month summer vacation is something I always looked forward to. We planned with the Silversoul, and even Ranna, to go to Bicol but due to their expected last-minute excuses, only Jules and I pushed through. Because of the drastic change in plans, we didn't have any bus reservation tickets because we originally planned to take the train to get a different adventure. Just before the dawn broke in the Holy Wednesday of the Holy week, my sister who tagged along, (because our parents went ahead of us aboard a convenient bus) Jules and I headed to the shockingly deserted PNR station somewhere in Tondo only to find out that the first train departs at 4pm, not 4am like what the operator told Jules the night before. We hurried to Pasay to look for a chance passenger ticket because my sister had gone estatic, blaming us for the stupid idea of riding a train. So much for an adventure, we eventually ended up in an overloaded, poorly ventilated, rusting mini-bus! And as if that's not enough, I had to stand, almost kissing the other standing passengers, all the way from Pasay to Bicol! while the two of them had seats?! Wasn't that just so unfair?!

The vacation in its wholeness was almost a bore. The medieval thinking folks there refused to allow us to go to the Caramoan Island we've been exciting ourselves about over the Internet just a week before, they thought it was bad luck to go swimming before Easter Sunday, so we resorted to taking pictures in the woods at the back of the house throughout the whole week instead. They took us to the nearer overcrowded beach on the Easter Sunday and we only had the chance to get a glimpse of the city right before Jules and I headed back home, already on a comfy seat, shortly after the swimming.

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NOT THE KING.. As if bad things are supposed to come simultaneously, I had to go the the last string of general rehearsals for the Mr.& Ms. Southside-Makati 2004 right after I arrived home. My normally dark skin had gone black because of the climate in Bicol which actually meant I got myself uglier for the competition which was in a matter of days. My considered closest rival was Rommel, Shiela's then boyfriend, who was a mestizo which is also the filipino conception of what is gwapo. The pressure was on the two of us, eversince the whole thing started as if it was made just for the two of us though it has 10 pairs of candidates. The mere fact that he was my ex's boyfriend created a stir in the malicious minds of the people thirsting for some fresh gossip. It was understandable then, that even we had following numbers (I was No.5 and he was No.6), there never had been a reason for us to talk or maybe we just ignored it even we had to sit together inside the bus on the way to/from the Swimsuit Competion in Laguna. Many wanted to know who would be the fitting King for the Queen connecting us. Shiela was crowned Ms.Southside-Makati 2002, when we were still together. Eventually, the answer had been: Neither. None of the two us won the title but I was at the unlikelier end. He went home with the 1st runner-up plum and majority of the awards, while I went home with nothing more than my circular shaped number sign.

Many questions arised after the pageant, none of them I was able to give an exact answer. And when I went down of the stage that night, everyone was looking at me as if trying to ask "What happened to him?". No more did I know the answer.

Behind that beautifully set-up stage, in the backstage, I was in a total mess. Out of the 20 candidates, I was the only one without a make-up artist. I know it would sound stupid if I'd say I didn't know I needed one but the staff told me the night before that there will be an official make-up artist. In the pageant night, I had to beg for the other candidates' make-up artists to do my face from time to time, because the modellings were done simultaneously. No one was there to help me fix my clothes because the organizer didn't allow Muriel to the backstage who could've been my assistant so in effect, I rushed my modelling, not even caring to smile. But there could never be anything worse than being in there alone with Shiela fixing Rommel's tie while I prepare for my talent.

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After a few months in the third quarter of the year, the Silversoul frontrunners kind of disappeared one by one. It had almost been the longest time we had lost contact since we've started eight years ago and even Jules went out of sight. Of course, I have expected gradual disappearances of my friends to happen but I never anticipated it to happen too quickly.

When Anette reappeared, she already have a new boyfriend and so did Anne who has been seeing my Chuckie-look alike classmate, Louie. Muriel has gone steady with Rhandy and had finally moved on from her nerve wracking relationship with Santy. We had no news on Carl and Shiela has become an official Japayuki to the core while Beshe and Vanessa, official housewives.

I don't know if 2005's going to be for me. All I know is that I need to have a positive attitude everyday and being the pessimist that I am, I just don't know how to do that.

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