This evening, I’ve bonded with my co-former candidates in the Mr. Southside pageant with our sordid director, Direk Julius and of course with Shiela’s ex, Rommel and also some of the new candidates (who just came from their rehearsals), Arian (a frat mate) and Jeff, an erstwhile friend whom I have been at odds with since I were with Shiela. It was a chance for me to realize how many people I have been in dispute with at Shiela’s expense.

We went to Arian’s house and had some eggs and instant pancit canton before we eventually ended up, as expected, with the holy Emperador. There were some gay people I know in there and some frat mates who made me feel less out of place.

I didn’t actually wanted to go but I was somewhat forced to. I don't want to give them the impression that I don't want to be with them anymore which could only be attributed to the fact that I was lost over Rommel at the last year's pageant. They were a bunch of fake people (at least most of them), either complimenting about each other one time then gossip about each other at another or boast about what they know about things. It was totally disgusting.

And what makes it disgusting all the more is that I fell again. Just like what Bo Sanchez said(and meant) in his new book: “Your past does not define your future”. (I can’t wait to have a copy of that)

And now I feel filthy and disgusted by myself again.