the broken trap
Tuesday, September 20, 2005 @ 9:09 AM 0 comments

I could already smell the familiar stench of failure. Things hasn't been going as planned again. Mench broke up with me yesterday after she found my picture with Shiela on my friendster account and I have already given up my Design 2 class.

At this very moment, my classmates are taking the Finals for that class while I couldn't get myself to show up there again after I have decided not to finish the notebook compilation Mr. Larion has required us to pass. I never knew what really happened to his underground deal but I've heard he had canceled it because the issue has been very much talked about this term.

I know it was already a losing battle and I would just be wasting my time if I would still take the exams, let alone giving Mr. Larion another chance to humiliate me in front of the class. I better be ready for my appeal letter for it is now as sure as I-will-be-late-again-for-work-tonight, that I would get another kick-out status at the end of this term.

However, there's s still one possibility that I might not need it just yet. Mama asked me the other day if it's okay with me if I don't enrol next term. She said she doesn't know any more where to get the money to get me to school. And all I do is screw up my studies... I am such an ungrateful son, I don't deserve anything.

If it happens, it's going to be the first time in my entire life to be out of school since I was four years old. Now, I'm not sure if I should be happy that I would be able to give my work more time or I should feel bad that I will have to overstay longer in school. But honestly, I'm still scared of the idea of leaving school without a diploma in my hands.

Barely a few hours after Mench broke up with me, I feel that I couldn't manage to look at her in the eye ever again. She's completely convinced that I have cheated on her-just basing on the picture she have seen on my friendster (I never thought she would ever see my account) and that is just one of the many reasons she could find to stay mad at me and I can never blame her for that.



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