figment of my imagination
I have seen no sign of life from Menchie since she broke up with me. I also never had the nerve to call her again or even try to explain why the hell Shiela's picture is posted on my Friendster account. It must have hurt her so much that I didn't do anything to win her back but it was because I knew she would try to hear out my lies and understand me again. I've treated her so badly I think I can never make her really happy. Out of those lies, one thing remains to be true and that one thing is the only thing I said she believed to be a lie. It is that I also loved her and I cared for her. She expressed her fury in the last line of the last message I got from her. She said she wished she had never known me.
I can't help hating myself for treating her that way. She gives love no one can ever match, and I know I would hate myself more if I stayed with her without any assurance that she is the only one for me. I have been brutally unfair for the past three years of that on and off relationship and I think it is with goodbye that I have been really fair with her. She needs someone who can promise her a love that's true and can be seen.
In the series of events, where Shiela, once again got involved with this whole thing, I can imagine myself holding on to Menchie on the edge of a cliff, half of her body's floating in midair. Then all of a sudden, Shiela materialized beside her, holding on to a rock, apparently as helpless as Mench. Now I have the power to choose who to save and who to let go. It was a very hard and painful decision and though Mench said she would understand, she was cursing when I finally let go of her hand.
As I watched her body disappear in the dark of the night, I began reaching for Shiela's hand but all I felt was the coldness of the hard rock she was holding on. It was then that I realized that it wasn't Shiela after all but a figment of my imagination. It wasn't Shiela that came back but the fantasy of being with her again.
Alone again on top of that cliff, I can't help feeling sorry for myself. As the gentle breeze of the midnight air chills my bone, it felt like that the loneliness hovering on top of me have finally found its way to enter my body again. Now there's no turning back, this is where fate have taken me and all I can do is face it with my false bravery and try to explore the horizon that lies below in the darkness of the night, alone as I wait for the rising of the new sun.
Last time I saw her was the first time you saw her here.