figment of my imagination
Tuesday, October 04, 2005 @ 6:05 PM 0 comments

I have seen no sign of life from Menchie since she broke up with me. I also never had the nerve to call her again or even try to explain why the hell Shiela's picture is posted on my Friendster account. It must have hurt her so much that I didn't do anything to win her back but it was because I knew she would try to hear out my lies and understand me again. I've treated her so badly I think I can never make her really happy. Out of those lies, one thing remains to be true and that one thing is the only thing I said she believed to be a lie. It is that I also loved her and I cared for her. She expressed her fury in the last line of the last message I got from her. She said she wished she had never known me.

I can't help hating myself for treating her that way. She gives love no one can ever match, and I know I would hate myself more if I stayed with her without any assurance that she is the only one for me. I have been brutally unfair for the past three years of that on and off relationship and I think it is with goodbye that I have been really fair with her. She needs someone who can promise her a love that's true and can be seen.

In the series of events, where Shiela, once again got involved with this whole thing, I can imagine myself holding on to Menchie on the edge of a cliff, half of her body's floating in midair. Then all of a sudden, Shiela materialized beside her, holding on to a rock, apparently as helpless as Mench. Now I have the power to choose who to save and who to let go. It was a very hard and painful decision and though Mench said she would understand, she was cursing when I finally let go of her hand.

As I watched her body disappear in the dark of the night, I began reaching for Shiela's hand but all I felt was the coldness of the hard rock she was holding on. It was then that I realized that it wasn't Shiela after all but a figment of my imagination. It wasn't Shiela that came back but the fantasy of being with her again.

Alone again on top of that cliff, I can't help feeling sorry for myself. As the gentle breeze of the midnight air chills my bone, it felt like that the loneliness hovering on top of me have finally found its way to enter my body again. Now there's no turning back, this is where fate have taken me and all I can do is face it with my false bravery and try to explore the horizon that lies below in the darkness of the night, alone as I wait for the rising of the new sun.



Image hosted by Photobucket.com
With Menchie
Last time I saw her was the first time you saw her here.






SCARS OF MY WRECKED SOUL
Journal of Andrew Nava Trapani
Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket
Profile

Friendster Profile

Multiply Profile


EXITS
Ala
Anne
Bianca
Blanca
Coco
Domz
Eda
Edmarie
Jane
Jay
Mapua
Postsecret
Silversoul

MAPUAN BLOGS
Anette
Aki
Diana
Jules
Mapua Bloggers
Mark
Ninni
Rapunzel
Remely
Sean

LOOKING BACK
September 2004
October 2004
November 2004
December 2004
January 2005
February 2005
March 2005
April 2005
May 2005
June 2005
July 2005
August 2005
September 2005
October 2005
November 2005
December 2005
January 2006
March 2006
April 2006
May 2006
June 2006
July 2006
August 2006
September 2006
October 2006
November 2006
December 2006
January 2007
February 2007
March 2007
April 2007
May 2007
June 2007
July 2007
August 2007

Design
AMBIVALENTE


Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket