In my vision, I see me
All alone but free
With the changing of time,
Every moment is mine.

The paradise I see
Will be mine and just for me
Nobody to care
And nobody would care.

I walk past the trees,
Run through the hills,
Drink from the river,
so cold, it makes me shiver.

I can see the flowers,
blooming wildly in the bushes.
I can hear the birds sing,
it wakes me when I'm sleeping.

But in the night I see,
I am alone and I'm lonely.
As the moon peeks at me,
I feel the coldness shattering me.

I walk the trail,
For I shall not fail.
I can feel the woods,
creaking through my veins.

I know there is somewhere,
and someone will be out there.
For at the end of my journey,
someone shall be waiting for me.



/s315. Mapua Institute of Technology
/2003 March 05



My more than a month-long hiatus from posting an entry was not at all intentional. This is actually my fourth attempt in doing so and I am hoping that I can finish it this time. For the first time in my life, I can't seem to put my thoughts into words. Things have been drastically rough and tough so I supposedly have a lot more to say but I can't even start.

My sister, Annalyn, who have been with me all my life, left last October 29 to work and join my other sister, Arlene in Dubai. Sending her off in the airport, while she apparently tried unsuccesfully to look brave and calm, made me feel like an epoch in my life came to its end and perhaps another began.

I never thought it could be really possible that she's leaving until the last minute because I have never been able to imagine our house without her. The night of the day she left was the first for a very long time that I slept without her beside me. I shared the same bed with her almost my entire life and since she boarded that Cathay Pacific aircraft, I knew things will never be the same again.

Still trying to juggle my studies and my work, many people think that I do too much, but as always, that is not what's really hard, trying to do the good thing is. For my standard, I'm trying earnestly to do good in school but unfortunately, two of my quiz papers have been sent to ABET again-in the already familiar category of course: lowest. I think Mr. Larion is living up to what he said to me last term: He would make Design 2 really hard for me.

Take the case of our first quiz early this term. I went to his class about twenty minutes ahead of time to get to choose a good chair. I took the last row, the one by the window because it is common knowledge that we do the quizzes one seat apart. When he arrived, he began rearranging us again, squeezing me in between two students which made me on the wrong seat. Realizing this, Mr. Larion loudly suggested that I take the exams outside. Everyone was mortified but not more than I was. Everyone seemed to be half-expecting that it was a joke but the punchline never came.

Enjoying the stares and the interviews why I was taking the exams outside made by the students and professors passing by the corridor, Louie, Anne's disgusting boyfriend passed by who luckily was sporting his new camera. Taunting me, he didn't fail to capture the precious Kodak moment. Now, whoever said that it pays to be early in class?

As with my work, I landed the second highest spot in our team's October productivity stats. At least, there are still things that I can be happy about. Last week, I did the groceries for the first time and it was really good that I can now share my blessings with my family. I heard my father earlier that day, obviously wanting me to hear that he was craving for a burger, when I came back home I gave him more than what he had asked for.

The feeling of making my family happy is what drives me to continue fighting my battle, especially Mama. She had always been and always will be my inspiration in making my slightly erratic life a sensible one. She will always be the reason for me to accomplish the things that I still need to and people like Mr. Larion and Louie will always remind of the demons I still have to conquer in order to do so.