Finally Margaret and I have been able to patch things up. A few weeks ago, I have decided to remove her from my links after I learned that my suspicions were correct. She was intentionally avoiding me and that was because she thought I would try to make a move on her. Not that I didn't like her, but I already thought that she was my friend and I never planned to court her or anything.

Saturday of last week, over at Jet's place where there had a little celebration that Jet have been saving for- for months, (No, it wasn't a birthday party, not even a graduation party. It was a why-are-we-here? party, nobody had an idea what was the celebration for) , we had the chance to ask each and everyone who'd come from ICT (Coco, Kat, Nix, Marge and me) not-ordinarily-asked-questions and she asked me if she had hurt me in anyway. The question strucked me for it was the first time we actually talked in about two months. I told her, she apologized and now things are fine. She is going to live in New York in a few months and maybe she didn't want to leave any unfinished business behind. Now, I've decided to put her name back on my list.

Another is with my Aunt Nancy, Mama's youngest sister, who have been very distant (literally and figuratively) with me since she moved to Wisconsin when we were little. I inadvertently passed her my blog and web address (I use them as my signature) after I sent her a forwarded e-mail, which gave her way to read through my journal which also contained how I felt about her. In a way, I felt that she was hurt after reading it and she tried to explain her side and now things are fine as well.

In both cases, communication has been the key. I admit to the fact that I frequently close myself to other people especially when I'm mad, including my past girlfriends. I'd rather keep my sentiments to myself than let it out. It's been almost two months since the last time my closest bud, Julius and I talked. Nobody knew what's happenning and nobody asked.

This closure from other people leads me to where I always end up- being alone. For other people, this may come as a shock because I'm rarely literally alone, whether in school or at work, but Silversoul has always been my family and haven't been able to be with them for a very long time now makes me feel alone all the same. There are times I enjoy the feeling but most of the time, I miss hanging out with my friends - and that's where I'm good at, I have the capability to entertain myself with other things just to let the urge of calling any of them pass. Even when it takes me to the wrong side over and over again.

What kept me from posting here was not merely because of my unsuccesful Final exams which ended yesterday. (Did I say having only two subjects this term will make things easy for me?) nor my job, which is the only thing left to blame why I don't do good in my studies aside from myself. It is because of the nature of the things that recently happened to me. Things that I am not sure I'd be ready to divulge publicly.

My erratic behavior had taken its most extreme turn. It has taken me to as far as Sta. Rosa, Laguna overnight and even to a passenger seat of a Mandaluyong police car. I could've enjoyed free media publicity and free lodging in jail if not for a P10, 000 cash (not from my pocket) . I am not talking about one incident here.

Just imagine how my blog will appear if it would seem like a collection of cryptic messages. I found it senseless to have a journal if I can't say everything I think about, I even considered to stop which would also mean that I wouldn't be able to publish this as a book later in life when I become succesful, if ever that happens, so I changed my mind. Maybe when that time comes, I would be able to disclose what is really happening right now.

Now here's something I can tell: Last Sunday was the ICT Christmas Party held in Baga Berde, Roxas Blvd. It turned out to be fun though not all of my team mates came up. Keith Martin and a new hot singer, Mocha came with a surprise appearance. Though the food's not that good, the booze was all over the place, even Armi who don't usually drink helped. She ended up throwing up, cancelling the after party-videoke that she herself planned.