Like I always say, I was never really good in saying goodbyes. The single thing which makes me and my life simply erratic right now has just ended. I know I should be glad because I can live peacefully now that I am again just like everyone else, (read: Normal). Although I'm used to meeting people only to lose them right after getting laid with them, or being in a dysfunctional relationship which I know would never last a month or so in the first place, this time my adventurous lifestyle has taken its toll on me.

I was hurt. And it's because of a reason I can't seem to comprehend. This is the first time something just like this has affected me this way and it is simply ironic that I have always believed myself adept in this kind of oddly trade. The only thing I can hope from now is a friendship I could always be proud of - out of the relationship no one ever knew existed.

It is the 10th day of the new year and things have just been fine for me. Nothing fatal nor really great happened so far. I was able to get 12-unit load for this term after Mr. Larion finally passed me in the Design class. Thank Heavens, Armi's efforts had paid off. The ferocious Madame Noche on the other hand, didn't spare me the '3', mainly because I, along with some others, were not informed about the remedial exams a day after we have taken the finals thus we were not able to take it. But that's fine, I wanted to start the year positively. I'm taking it up again in her class though most of the students always knew that being enrolled under her is like being given a death sentence. As if there is someone else handling Engineering Eco. Right now, I can only try to do better and hopefully get pardoned this time.

Glancing back at 2005, I think the greatest thing it has taught me is that we, make our own lives. I have had, somewhat forcibly, first brushed with independence and responsibility when I began my first job as CSR last May while I'm still in school. It was the year I had to make the biggest decisions in my life. I've realized that while we may have the very best of friends or an ever supportive family, at the end of the day, it is always the single person in us who can have the last say and completely decide on the path we wish our lives to take. It has also taught me that it is only myself who is responsible for whatever things and consequences I have to take because of my actions and I am the only person who has the power to screw my life up forever or get the most out of every single moment of it.

I remember that line in the Spiderman movie: "This is the time of your life where you become the man you would always be for the rest of your life, so be careful of what you become." I'm not sure but though it really sounds scary to me, I know it is something everyone must have to go through. I have always been the kind of person who depended the big decisions for myself to other people, I was often scared deciding for myself alone. Now I know it's high time to make a difference. Others my age have already began carving out their lives ahead of them and I know it is long overdue that I should start doing mine. After all, I am not yet the person I want to be for the rest of my life.

Now a last glimpse of the last month of the year that was 2005...