It has been the moment I've always dreaded since I've decided to go steady with Timmy. It would have been the moment that could either confirm or refute the things that I have been claiming to be true for the past six months. And I was too afraid to realize that I might just have been fooling the world and myself all along.
When a friend asks me for help, I have always been willing to do so as long as I know that I can. It was something I always looked at as an obligation for me being a friend to help someone in need given that I am fully-capable. But when my cousin, Joy messaged me that she needed me to come with her to see Shiela, my ex-girlfriend (the longest I've been with to date), I wasn't so sure if I still wanted to see it that way. Joy herself had issues with Shiela because they were ex-bestfriends and so she wasn't ready to meet with her alone. Unfortunately I was the only one available at the time albeit I knew that I wasn't ready to see her myself.
It has been the longest time Shiela and I haven't seen each other and until now, four years after we broke up, there are still some people who seem skeptical that I have already moved on at the rate the things had happened before.
For a very long time, I was one of those skeptics myself. No matter how hard I tried, I found it impossible to live up to that old cliche "Time heals all wounds." that I was beginning to think that the 'time' referred to in the phrase could actually mean 'lifetime
". But then again, there came Timmy and the elusive magic I have been waiting to come again my way had arrived.
Standing in front of Jools Cabaret and Bar where Shiela performs, I was back to my old-skeptic self again. I have never really thought about how to act when I see her again and I must confess that I have never seen it coming.
She appeared in an utterly revealing red outfit, looking surprised that I came along. She acted so nice to invite us inside to watch her and her band perform. They served me free beer and a cocktail juice for Joy. I almost forgot that Shiela's boyfriend was one of her band members until he joined us in one side of the bar and tried to have a little chat. I knew if it had happened a year ago, I could have had walked out.
But looking at them and talking to her did not seem as extraordinary as I was expecting it to be. I was surprised that I didn't feel the slightest glitch I used to feel just looking at her then. Looking through her eyes and her smile that used to mean the whole world to me didn't seem to affect me the way it used to. None of it matters to me anymore. It doesn't mean anything now than just eyes and smile. She no longer have the spell that used to enthrall me and finally, I was certain. I was freed from my past.
Uncertainty is one of the main reasons why I don't often say the words 'I love you'. I have felt proud in the few times I told Timmy those words and now I feel more proud that I'm sure I meant it.