breaking the silence
Thursday, January 04, 2007 @ 7:03 PM 2 comments

Whoever said that this year - the year of the boar is not for those who were born on the year of the boar must be the true seer. First day of the year and things have finally began falling to their rightful places. My doubts and my fears have at last been justified. I have finally been able to have the courage to ask my cousins Lael and Hansel if they find anything strange happening inside the house and it surprisingly didn't need any intense prodding for they perfectly knew what I wanted to know. Turns out that they have the answers to the questions I have long been keeping.

My father is having an affair. A few months ago, I have read a text message on his mobile phone saying sweet nothings from an unidentified number. Someone who is certainly not my mother. I have been keeping that number since and have seen it a couple of times after. My father never saves it but he was not too smart to empty his call register. He was even heard a couple of times saying I love you's to someone over the phone while my mother is either in the bedroom or in the bathroom. Perfect timing. I, myself was witness to his flirtations but have been in denial for the longest time. It never occured to me that something like this could ever happen to my own family.

Papa is an adept in maintaining his good image from other people and though I disapprove of most of his actions, I never knew he could actually get this far. At his age of 55, I never thought that it could still be possible. He has been the only man in my mother's life while he had his own children out of wedlock which my mother only learned a year after their marriage. He had the chance to choose between Mama and the mother of his other children when she had the nerve to show up then and at this very moment I wish he had chosen them. With that, I would have not existed and he would not have been my father.

When I was younger, he would take me along everytime she would meet secretly with my half-sister, Arlene. Apparently he wanted me to get close to her but he never really succeeded. I know his intentions were good but I never really find it proper to ask me to lie to my very own mother. He didn't want me to tell her that we were seeing his other daughter. I didn't think it would have actually mattered to Ma, considering the fact that she had accepted him with wide open arms despite the things he have done before, I know she must have already prepared herself for that moment when his children would be looking for him. But then I was helpless. I know it was wrong but what can I do? I felt like I would be in serious trouble with him if I speak. I realized that doing the wrong things makes it feel all the more wrong when the very people you trust are the ones who pushes you to do wrong.

For two occasions just this holiday season while my poor mother is in Bicol, he had brought some girls over the house past midnight, he claims they were his relatives but I knew perfectly who they were. And again in my life, he asked me not to tell Mama. Besides that, he would go home really late almost every night to the point of not going home at all for one time considering that he has no longer any corporate job to attend to. But I never said a word. It was all inside me.

If my father thinks I would still be that little boy who will just stand there and watch him do the things he do behind my mother, he is dead wrong. It would be hard, I know but he'll see. I'm going to stand up for myself and I'm going to stand up for my Mama. I'm just waiting for the right moment for I believe that out there in the dark horizon, the truth will be set free. No matter how long it takes, no matter when, I know it will come and the trail begins by breaking my silence.



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