unguaranteed decade
Monday, April 30, 2007 @ 11:25 PM

Today, someone has accused me of never having been able to fully accept him as a friend. The simple irony is that the person accusing me was the one who have been with me for the longest time. It was like plainly saying that I was never a true friend. And if being true means having to stand watching another friend ruin his or her life and do nothing, then I guess I would rather be untrue.

In my life, I have people around me who always seek my opinions. I never asked "why me?" and I never bragged about being their chosen confidant. I don't care about what other people may think about what I say, I only base my thoughts on a personal level and I don't impose on anyone the things that they should do, I only suggest and opine what I think is right for the matter at hand. The only thing I would've wanted from others, let alone my own friends, who don't like what I say is respect my opinions and give out their own.

In any relationship, I think the ultimate fundamentals are trust and respect. They almost always never work without the other and if none of them exists anymore, then the relationship is doomed to end. In numerous times, I have let myself open to people and just like many of us, there were also those times that I needed to let everything out, there were times that I needed someone to just hear me out and be a friend. But one thing I've learned is that just because you open up to someone more than to anybody else - and just because someone knows everything about you more than anyone else in the world doesn't make him or her your best friend. It is how he or she keeps these things in private and respects you despite everything there is that does.

Many of us live up to the adage that if a person is a true friend, he or she should accept us for what we are. I don't believe that anymore. There are millions of people in the world and no two have ever been created alike and so there would be certain differences. Differences that we need to work out on. People survive together because they try and adjust with each other's differences. And for me, being a true friend does not only require accepting someone in spite of everything. It is also being able to learn how to compromise and be willing to change to become a more likeable person. You can never expect everyone to deal with and accept you for just what and who you are. If you have found someone who respects your differences and is willing to get on with your lives together despite them and you find yourself willing to do the same, that's when you know you have found true friendship.

As the old saying goes, life has no guarantees. The length of time you have been with someone does not guarantee you with true friendship. There are more to it than just that. At this point in my life, I don't need a friend who would criticize me for everything that I do. I don't need someone who would constantly remind me of my past and the bad things that happened to me and treat them as if a matter of amusement. I need someone who can grow with me and who can be there for me in those trying times and share with me the joys of my life. Life may not offer guarantees, but it can offer you the possibility of beautiful days ahead and I just need someone who can be able look forward to spending those days with me.


Circa 1997




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